I Bought a Hoarder House (Part I)

And it gets worse from there.

Hello to all of my family, friends, enemies (do I have any?), strangers, fans and critics. Hello to you too, single solitary person who's actually reading this post. Thanks.

It's been a hot minute since I last updated. After vanishing from social media a few years ago, I've put up the occasional quick link or photo here, once or twice sent out a newsy holiday email. But admittedly, I'm not great at keeping in touch.

So before I dive into my latest crazy life story, I'll catch you all up on a brief update.

* * *

In December of 2021, I finally bit the bullet and accepted a job back in full-time accounting. As some of you are aware, ever since I left California in the Fall of 2015 I've continued to pursue my acting career as my health and opportunities permitted. Partly to that end (and partly for the lessened stress level), I worked a few lower-level jobs that provided more flexibility for parts & auditions. By the end of 2021, however, we were all reevaluating life after the change in culture caused by COVID. I finally admitted that I'd like to have the stability of a better income and half-heartedly began to browse available accounting jobs. Very quickly I was offered and accepted a position in local governmental accounting for a nearby city, and consequently began to search for a new home.

After a few months (and around ten purchase offer rejections), I started to investigate unorthodox options. I began to research tax deed parcels as well as Sheriff Sale foreclosures, two different types of distressed properties. Since I was blessed with some capital funds leftover from the sale of my home back in California, these cash-only sales were possibilities for me. I knew I'd be looking at a fixer-upper if any of these sales worked out, however. So I hesitated, but kept checking the listings which were few and far between.

* * *

After seeing a few lemons, finally two homes came up that looked promising. One was a tiny studio condo in idyllic Bayfield, WI right on the lake shore. The second was a less-desirable low-income housing foreclosure with a very low starting bid. I almost wrote that one off, since the last such house I'd driven by not only had squatters inside, but a crumbling foundation. This new listing could be the same. I drove by each neighborhood to see what I could of the homes from the street. To my surprise, the low income house seemed in surprisingly good shape with a new-ish steel roof and what appeared to be a solid foundation. The condo, however, was in a gorgeous area and even if I later wanted to move into something larger, would make a killer vacation rental. Interestingly enough, each home was about 30 minutes from my new job, but in opposite directions. The auctions were one day apart, in different county courthouses.

The condo was up first. With no starting bid listed and a deceased former owner, the turnout was incredible. Bidding went high quickly and I was beat out. Disappointed, for sure, but I'd given my best shot.

The next day when I showed up at the neighboring courthouse for the low-income foreclose sale, my steps echoed as I walked inside. A stout, barrel-chested man with spiky grey hair wore a plaid shirt as he sat on the courthouse bench. A shorter, older man with a baseball cap shuffled in the side door. I noticed one of his eyes was permanently shut, but it didn't seem to bother him. I'll always wonder what happened to cause it.

"You here for the auction?"

I turned, but he wasn't talking to me. He was looking at the spiky-haired man on the bench, who looked up and nodded. Great, I thought. Competition has already arrived.

The one-eyed gentlemen proceeded to volunteer that he'd lived next-door to the house for sale for twenty-five years.

"It's a solid house, but it's real messy. Real messy."

Two minutes to ten, the Sheriff came down the old marble staircase. He looked at the three of us standing there and asked if we were there for the auction. Nodding his head, he spoke again. "We'll wait until right at ten, since that's what it [the auction notice] says."

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED...